A new...day?

After leaving this place alone for quite some time, I guess I thought I might as well pop by. It has been interesting. This entire month I mean. And I really mean that. Holiday-ing while trying to do nothing is horrible :p It gets really boring after two days.

So I have been playing along with song composition and thanks to Iggy's book (Here I am to worship by Tim Hughes) I am deeply encouraged. To know that Brother Tim took 3 years to write one song is indeed something interesting to note. And to also know that the song 'Here I am to worship' was actually shelved because he thought it didn't sound good is indeed a revelation. So several rules when composing:

1) Remember to rely on God ^^
2) Don't push yourself. Inspiration comes in bits and sometimes in a rush
3) Never be your own judge

Well, I have also been re-editing a book of mine. And that in itself needs a lot of inspiration as well. Sigh...As always, I must keep the three rules in mind and also to continue to seek God for guidance.

Sigh...I've also been pushed into looking for a job which now I have found... In Ampang Point as a retail promoter :p Well...I guess it's something for starters. I have noticed one problem with me. I sort of cringe up into a shell whenever I approach a stranger to ask for work or even call them... I don't know why but I suddenly shrink into a shell the moment I pick up the phone for a job... I don't know what's wrong.

And the worst part being that I only seem to want to work at something I enjoy. Maybe as at some publishing company or something like that. But tada! We're in the world... and that being that...They usually require experience or some degree/diploma qualification... Sigh... So much for that plan...

Finally, the last thing I have been doing with my time is working on some musical for Christmas ^^ For the church that is. But...again...I am strangled by my own judgment. Especially when I look in Youtube for inspiration on musicals and their songs. :p

Why you ask?

Well, I will lay out my selfish reason right here. Sigh... I have always wanted to be involved in some singing production. High school musical for example... Sigh... Or some traveling Christian band...Maybe even the Youth Alive band... How heart breaking it is for me to watch them on the stage, yearning, wanting; not for glory and fame but to be up there, singing with people who have the same yearning to worship as I do...To feel so uplifted in the Spirit as we praise and worship the Lord our God... Sigh...

No no! Not as a worship leader. As a back-up singer. Did you know that's where my passion lies? Well...I don't mind leading one song...but I don't want to be the worship leader... I would love to be back-up singing... Strengthening the lead's voice... Not playing any instrument... Just...singing...So I can pour out my sould as I sing... Sigh...

Perhaps I do yearn for such fame...I don't know...perhaps...and the worst part seeing my own friends from other churches go up and me starting to wonder...why...perhaps I went to Glad tidings I may have a better chance...But I heard from a friend that sometimes they practice from church to church...I don't even have my own car...Sigh...

I guess...one of the things we have to handle in life. Or you know...sometimes I wished I could be part of that 'Prayer Tunnel' at the HUGE camp...maybe...just maybe...because in my heart burns the passion, the need to pray for others... Or perhaps it is a need to be known... I don't know...

Maybe if I went away and got some degree in theology everything would work out for the best. Then I could be like Tim Hughes or Matt Redman. Traveling the world, working out songs for the glory of God...Heh. There comes the spirit of envy and jealousy.

But anyways...

Concluding that, I am currently doing my braces so...yay...having two teeth pulled already and another two tomorrow...doesn't make my days look any better ^^

One thing I have learnt from braces though. Putting on your braces is really like coming up with a project.

When your teeth are pulled out, it hurts like crazy and continues to sting after a while but it is all part of making yourself look better AND getting all those pesky bits out of your teeth. This is very much like starting as project. You brainstorm like crazy, work out with sweat, blood and tears and then, finally some rough final product is done.

Then comes the braces. Screwed on, they hurt but the worst part is coming back for that torture every month for about a year. This would very well be akin to reviewing the project again and again and again; battered by criticism and comments.

So think about it this way. Once you start, don't stop! Imagine if I had stopped the process before I put the braces on. Then I would be left with several missing good teeth and having a hard time to eat. (That's kinda happening to me now. I have been eating porridge and nestum the whole day now.

Sigh...I don't know. Maybe I am dividing my time too much. Or maybe...I am not distributing enough time... Maybe maybe maybe... Well, we all know who holds tomorrow... Only thing is that we can SAY we believe in God but only when situations attack us or threaten to overwhelm us do those words become tested. Sure...you can tell yourself that this will be a testimony but can you do it for what...10 years?

I'm not saying every trial is going to last for that long but one thing's for certain, it will hurt... Sigh... In this world, you shall have tribulation... sigh... When I can return back to heaven...? Away from all this...? Lord...grant me the strength...