A new...day?

After leaving this place alone for quite some time, I guess I thought I might as well pop by. It has been interesting. This entire month I mean. And I really mean that. Holiday-ing while trying to do nothing is horrible :p It gets really boring after two days.

So I have been playing along with song composition and thanks to Iggy's book (Here I am to worship by Tim Hughes) I am deeply encouraged. To know that Brother Tim took 3 years to write one song is indeed something interesting to note. And to also know that the song 'Here I am to worship' was actually shelved because he thought it didn't sound good is indeed a revelation. So several rules when composing:

1) Remember to rely on God ^^
2) Don't push yourself. Inspiration comes in bits and sometimes in a rush
3) Never be your own judge

Well, I have also been re-editing a book of mine. And that in itself needs a lot of inspiration as well. Sigh...As always, I must keep the three rules in mind and also to continue to seek God for guidance.

Sigh...I've also been pushed into looking for a job which now I have found... In Ampang Point as a retail promoter :p Well...I guess it's something for starters. I have noticed one problem with me. I sort of cringe up into a shell whenever I approach a stranger to ask for work or even call them... I don't know why but I suddenly shrink into a shell the moment I pick up the phone for a job... I don't know what's wrong.

And the worst part being that I only seem to want to work at something I enjoy. Maybe as at some publishing company or something like that. But tada! We're in the world... and that being that...They usually require experience or some degree/diploma qualification... Sigh... So much for that plan...

Finally, the last thing I have been doing with my time is working on some musical for Christmas ^^ For the church that is. But...again...I am strangled by my own judgment. Especially when I look in Youtube for inspiration on musicals and their songs. :p

Why you ask?

Well, I will lay out my selfish reason right here. Sigh... I have always wanted to be involved in some singing production. High school musical for example... Sigh... Or some traveling Christian band...Maybe even the Youth Alive band... How heart breaking it is for me to watch them on the stage, yearning, wanting; not for glory and fame but to be up there, singing with people who have the same yearning to worship as I do...To feel so uplifted in the Spirit as we praise and worship the Lord our God... Sigh...

No no! Not as a worship leader. As a back-up singer. Did you know that's where my passion lies? Well...I don't mind leading one song...but I don't want to be the worship leader... I would love to be back-up singing... Strengthening the lead's voice... Not playing any instrument... Just...singing...So I can pour out my sould as I sing... Sigh...

Perhaps I do yearn for such fame...I don't know...perhaps...and the worst part seeing my own friends from other churches go up and me starting to wonder...why...perhaps I went to Glad tidings I may have a better chance...But I heard from a friend that sometimes they practice from church to church...I don't even have my own car...Sigh...

I guess...one of the things we have to handle in life. Or you know...sometimes I wished I could be part of that 'Prayer Tunnel' at the HUGE camp...maybe...just maybe...because in my heart burns the passion, the need to pray for others... Or perhaps it is a need to be known... I don't know...

Maybe if I went away and got some degree in theology everything would work out for the best. Then I could be like Tim Hughes or Matt Redman. Traveling the world, working out songs for the glory of God...Heh. There comes the spirit of envy and jealousy.

But anyways...

Concluding that, I am currently doing my braces so...yay...having two teeth pulled already and another two tomorrow...doesn't make my days look any better ^^

One thing I have learnt from braces though. Putting on your braces is really like coming up with a project.

When your teeth are pulled out, it hurts like crazy and continues to sting after a while but it is all part of making yourself look better AND getting all those pesky bits out of your teeth. This is very much like starting as project. You brainstorm like crazy, work out with sweat, blood and tears and then, finally some rough final product is done.

Then comes the braces. Screwed on, they hurt but the worst part is coming back for that torture every month for about a year. This would very well be akin to reviewing the project again and again and again; battered by criticism and comments.

So think about it this way. Once you start, don't stop! Imagine if I had stopped the process before I put the braces on. Then I would be left with several missing good teeth and having a hard time to eat. (That's kinda happening to me now. I have been eating porridge and nestum the whole day now.

Sigh...I don't know. Maybe I am dividing my time too much. Or maybe...I am not distributing enough time... Maybe maybe maybe... Well, we all know who holds tomorrow... Only thing is that we can SAY we believe in God but only when situations attack us or threaten to overwhelm us do those words become tested. Sure...you can tell yourself that this will be a testimony but can you do it for what...10 years?

I'm not saying every trial is going to last for that long but one thing's for certain, it will hurt... Sigh... In this world, you shall have tribulation... sigh... When I can return back to heaven...? Away from all this...? Lord...grant me the strength...

Don't give up

I had in mind to post something else but I opened my e-mail and I just had to post this up.

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One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I t ook very good care of them.
I gave them light.
I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would
not quit." He said.
"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared
to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6
months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."
He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots".
"I would not quit on the bamboo.
I will never quit on you."
"Don't compare yourself to others."
He said.
"The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern.
Yet they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come", God said to me.
"You will rise high"
"How high should I rise?"
I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."
I left the forest and brought back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
Never, Never, Never Give up.
For the Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.
Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is,
tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

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You hear that ye little problems. My God is bigger than ye!!!!

In the same sense, this was what pastor told me (with less words of course). Sigh... I guess several years from now I am going to look back at these problems and realize the 'bamboo-ness' in my life after all. :p

Now give me a moment while I post this up and put up another entry. ^^

Ahem...people. Who says the Lord does not speak to you PERSONALLY?

Where do you stand?

Yay! Finally got into a composing mood so perhaps...maybe...well...I got a chorus here and a verse there so I am heading somewhere at least. When I have something viable then I will put it up ^^ Will be going to a studio this Friday just to jam with a friend of mine as well as listen to a few of his own compositions. Hopefully we might be able to come up with something. Would be kinda cool though.

That's the thing about worship. It is really uplifting even in the lowest of times. And when you don't feel like worshiping, don't worry. Just keep pressing in and remember that worship is not about making YOU feel good it's about declaring how good God is. ^^ Worship really reflects the lifestyle of a person and also one's spiritual maturity. Which is pretty cool.

Sad to say that our church hasn't gone very far in that area at least. Not that I'm expecting loud music and the 70 year olds to be jumping about but have you seen people who really worship God? I mean like REALLY worship. They don't really care who they are with or what they are doing or whose worship leading or if a musician is playing a part right or what song is being sung! They just go all out to worship! I confess that I am not one such. I still occasionally keep an ear out but I'm trying not to. It's helping a lot when I really don't feel like worshiping.

I...have a confession to make however.

Just last Sunday when Rev. Sos gave the altar call, it was a rare time when I was prompted to open my eyes. Lo and behold, I saw before me the multitudes, sitting behind...not standing up...or raising their hands...some leaving the service...or going to the...washroom...

That broke my heart. I was so angry!

You pray for an open heaven but how can we have an open heaven if your heart is not even given to God!? Did you think you could pretend to look holy so that when others pray and receive and open heaven you would be able to share in that as well!?

NO!

Why do you think an open heaven comes!?

It's when the ENTIRE congregation prays EARNESTLY for it. NOT for its signs and wonders but to bask in the glory of God! I found at camp as well, not that I was judging but what the Lord impressed on me, that when Ps. Jeremiah and Ps. Ronnie spoke of weight loss and gold teeth, the church got very excited!

But what were they excited about!? The signs!? That's wrong! How can you be excited about the signs when you don't know the sign-giver!? When you don't love the sign-giver!? How dare you expect signs from Him then!?

Sigh...what Rev. Sos said was right. Our church is only fulfilling 10% of its capacity but even after he said that, only 10% came forward for prayer! What is wrong with these people!?

And I am speaking to the youths as well. Don't you DARE go to the toilet during altar call! That's the best part of the service, the time when God speaks to you! And you go off to the toilet!? You had so many opportunities after worship, before service, during the word. Why can't you go then!?

Sigh...what our church needs is not only a wake-up call. Perhaps my prayers have been wrongly directed. We don't need a wake-up call. We need personal convictions in each and everyone of our hearts in order for the church to move. And until that happens, our church is never going to fulfill its true potential in Christ.

Want to know what a REAL church looks like? Go to Acts after the Holy Spirit descends. THAT is the actual church. Not us with our hierarchy, need to please Man, feeling the 'strains' of service, leaving the POWER and RESPONSIBILITY of prayer to the leaders, wondering why there aren't any 'COOL' songs during worship, thinking altar call is the end of the service...

The list goes on...

What does that say about you now...?

REPENT! Even as I pray for my own forgiveness, check your own lives! Because do you know what is the first sign of revival...?

Repentance.

There and back again ^^

Finally! After several horrifying weeks of exams, I am finally free for three months and thus I have devoted myself to updating this blog.

And yes...this is right after church camp so I did what I said Oliver ^^

Church camp was cool! Thank you Iggy and the team who made it possible for us to go to the camp. It was really fun and had a very different kind of annointing. Who knows? It might be the wake up call our church needs to rise up to its namesake.

Ever wondered why our church is called Revival Centre? Well, aren't we supposed to be the centre of revival then? But anyways, before we tread into those deep waters, here are things I would have wanted to say but did not.

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Sorry people for not being very talkative at the tables or perhaps not being able to talk to everyone. Sigh...actually come to think about it. I get a sudden surge of fright and anxiety whenever someone approaches me... I have no idea why. Erm...so for all those of you who spoke to me about the blog in church... Heh... Sorry for suddenly like retreating into a shell. I grew like...suddenly extremely frightened and suddenly my brain will freeze up, not being able to respond coherently. (This mostly to Iggy...)

I wonder... what do people actually talk at tables. I mean...well...sometimes when I am at tables with John Reuben or Jeremy or maybe even Shawn (No offence guys. You were the first ones I could think of) I always wonder what to say. And it grows extremely awkward when... no one is saying anything. Like...isn't it kinda weird if I keep on asking bout school or college everytime we meet up? SIgh... I wonder what people ever say.

I REALLY WANT TO TALK TO YOU.... But I just don't know what to say... sigh sigh sigh...

Anyways, here's a really cool video I found for a sudden favourite band of mind. Casting Crowns! I have been listening to it through the exams and beginning to get addicted :p Don't worry. Not being emo. But think about how true this song is...



Lyrics
------
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

*Chorus*
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Chorus x2

Well if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

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Father keep our eyes and hearts open onto you...